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This a body.

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Lately,

I have been battling with some inner demons. These demons typically consist of simply not being good enough. This can revolve in one aspect of my life whether that is triathlon or in all aspects of my life; career, academic, and relationships. What I know and what I have learned is that everyone has their inner demons, their insecurities and their fears. Ironman training is a mental battle but it has taught me how to be stronger not only for endurance triathlon for the endurance in life, academically, career and relationship wise. I have hit some lows during my time here in Kansas. Some lows that I never saw ever happening. I am not sure if it stems from being out of my element, being away from family and loved ones, being challenged everyday academically or career wise but it has been a learning experience. Today I can proudly say I applied for graduation and can reflect back that the time I have spent here for my graduate assistantship and my masters has been very difficult but well worth it to prepare me for the future. In these blogs I always tend to go back to asking yourself “why?” Why do I wake up everyday I go to school? Why do I open my eyes and go to work and try to make my athletes better? Why do I train for Ironman? There are actually many reasons and I was reminded recently that life is so beautiful even with its lows. I engage in physical activity because I have a body that functions and is healthy (never take that for granted) and that body can do so many other things such as experience the beautiful things in life. I get to go to work and school and learn in an environment that makes me critically think everyday (never take that for granted) so that I can do what I love and help others use their bodies. If you have hit some lows in life recently like I have, remember you are not alone. It is very hard but you will hit a high point again and it will be so great.

This is a reminder to myself and to anyone else struggling: (Thank you Rachel Grosz)

“This is a body.
It contains a brain that can learn, understand and discover.
It encloses a heart that continues to beat… even when things get hard.
It provides hands that nurture, heal, and give
It holds lungs that expand when breathing in a familiar nostalgic scent.
It houses bones that connect to tendon and muscle that can run, bend, stretch.
It provides a tongue that speaks truth.
or the sweetest word in human language.
your name.
It supplies eyes through which we can see into our world.
And vice versa.

It is not a trophy.
It is not yours.
It is not a number, nor a size.
It is not something to harm. It is not something to take.
It is not something to sell, objectify, judge, rank, or criticize.

It is a body.
It is sacred.
It is loved.
It is
mine.”

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