Home Diary A New Train of Thought

A New Train of Thought

9 min read

Unfortunately, this blog has been very scarce on updates the past two months. This has been due to:

  • Graduate school
  • Thesis
  • My athletes

Updates in my life:

I have finally defended my thesis and passed! It was an amazing feeling to have so much support from family, friends, and my athletes. All that is left on my thesis to-do list is submit final edits.

I write this blog post with a new found freedom from the huge stressor of the defense but as well as coming from a new perspective of life (one that still needs a lot more work.) During this last semester I experienced an amount of stress that was ridiculous. It seemed as if shit hit the fan all at once but the “once” was an entire 3 months non-stop. I was barely sleeping, the quality of my life seemed fairly low, I missed my friends from back home, and wished I could just run to my parents and hug them through this and just quit. I felt inadequate in school, my thesis, and for my team. It seemed as if all my athletes were getting injured more than ever and I couldn’t break through and be there for them and make them better. For a good 3 months, I felt worthless in everything I did and everything I was. This really took a toll on me and I feel like I am still recovering from it. I had to learn to fall in love with school, research, and my profession again. Not that I stopped loving all aspects of it but to love even the challenges that come with all 3. Ironman training was on the back of my mind as low priority but as my way to de-stress. I have not hit all key workouts like I should be but if it wasn’t for some of those hard swim, bike, or runs I would have never believed I could get through this rough patch in my life. Triathlon training gave me the inner strength to know that I can get through this because most of those days I would wake up and feel like I couldn’t do it anymore.

Change your outlook:

I do not want to scare anyone with these statements of my life and my thoughts but even though someone might be posting a perfect life for others to see, it is often times that it is the opposite. I had to focus on the good that happened everyday in front of me to realize that I can do this.

  • Graduate school: I have the opportunity to attend class and learn at a graduate level over topics I am very passionate about
  • Thesis: Although, my thesis research was not exactly what I wanted to do originally, this is research that will make me better in the long run and give me an appreciation for biostatistics
  • My athletes: Everyday, I get to work with a population of athletes that amaze me in the distances and speeds they run, the heights they clear, and the distances they throw. I get to see them everyday and be part of their process to achieve these great feats.

Now that it is almost all over and done with, in about a month I will be done with my master degree and done being an athletic trainer for these athletes. I am not ready to say goodbye to this phase in my life because of the many positives I experienced but I will get to go home and recharge, sleep, ironman train, rest, and mentally prepare for the start of my PhD in biomechanics.

I think what is next in my life will be just as tough or tougher but I believe going through this has prepared me to better handle what comes next.

Some more awesome life updates:

  • Even though ironman training hasn’t been perfect, I feel faster and stronger
  • I started lifting consistently
  • I haven’t been injured in over a year
  • I am sleeping more
  • I have stopped tracking all of my food intake for 3 weeks now, goodbye MyFitnessPal, I loved you for over 5 years everyday but it was getting obsessive

I have always struggled with my weight. I look back at photos of myself from two years ago and pair it with self-hate thoughts on how I thought I was so big and not looking lean enough to be a triathlete. I look at myself now, 15 pounds heavier, and at first devastated because I thought I was training better and more and have packed on weight. This could be for a number of things: lifting, stress, not eating consistently through out the day or eating enough or eating too much at times, and lack of sleep. But through out this semester of learning self-care I understand that my body is healthy, it is not the smallest it has ever been but it is healthy, it moves and does things I love to do and helps other people. I said good bye to ugly habits that initiated self-hate and now overall, I feel mentally stronger.

I will end this blog post stating that I am in a much better place. I love school, research, my profession, and myself. Cheers to a new train of thought.

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